On having a boy...

If anyone would have told me how amazing it would be to have a little boy, I don't know that I would have completely believed them... 

The moment I found out I was pregnant (alone, in my bathroom, on a thursday, after work), I thought to myself, "this is a boy, I am having a boy."  Don't ask me why I thought that, or why I did not believe it throughout the duration of my pregnancy, but I just want to make that known.  As I started telling friends and family, I got a nearly identical response from almost all of them- I was most definitely having a girl. 

As the consensus grew for a little girl Groth, I also started to believe it.  Wow, I must be having a girl.  So I started to think of this baby as a she.  As the weeks went on, I still kept the door open for a boy.  The nursery was done in a gender neutral under the sea type theme. 

When the 20 week ultrasound moment arrived, we had the tech write the gender down on a piece of paper.  Not even a week later, we opened that envelope among our family.  "Boy" was all it said.  To be honest, I was a bit shocked.  I am even a bit embarrased to admit, even a bit sad.  I had to let go of the idea of me having a daughter. 

So, I prepared for the arrival of a little boy.  And it was so fun.  Pregnancy did not agree with me but the promise of what the pregnancy would bring and the energy surrounding it was fantastic- with all the hope, anticipation, worry, joy and happiness of knowing you are finally going to meet your child. 

My immediate post partum period was also rocky and difficult.  I really don't think I bonded with my baby until he was about 6 weeks old.  But I have been making up for it ever since, like triple time.
 

I truly don't think the sex of your baby really matters.  They look at you with their clear, sparkling blue (brown, green, hazel, etc.) eyes and it is all over.  You are hooked.  You have a new purpose that is more important than any other purpose you thought you had.

And suddenly, those 30 some odd years that your have lived before this little creature existed is...insignificant.  (Of course not truly, but you get the point)  The past 14 months have had more meaning, love, joy, worry as any of those previous 30 some odd years.

You could sit for hours, mesmerized by this little person putting toys in a container and dumping them out and think it is the most incredible thing ever.  Surely, you have the most advanced baby/toddler in all the land. 

Surely, he talks more, understands more than any other baby/toddler around.  Surely, he is the most beautiful child on Earth.

And now I get to raise a little boy that has all the hope and promise of becoming a wonderful man someday.