Depression

Depression does not care.

It does not care if you are happily married.  It does not care if you have a job you kind of like and have a working schedule you love.  It does not care if you have a perfect, healthy, beautiful child who depends on you.  It does not care what is or what isn't in your bank account.  It does not care if you are healthy or sick.  It doesn't care how old you are or if you are a boy or a girl.  It does not care if you have a loving, supportive family.  It does not care what you have going on in your life right now.  It does not care if it is your favorite season!

Depression is not picky.

Any time, any place, any person will do.  It does not need a major catastrophe or terrible trauma to let it in the door, stuff all your energy and will into a duffel bag and throw it out the window.  And while it is there, it will punch you in the gut and sit on your chest, making it nearly impossible to just breathe.  It might even pack a second duffel bag with your appetite and crafting plans and ideas for this wonderful season and then stash it in a super secret spot so you are sure not to find it any time soon.

Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with its antics and I still never see it coming.  There is no way to prepare.  I don't have time to bolt down the parts of me that I don't want to lose.  It is just gone.  For how long, no one knows.

I have been battling with this for more years of my life than I haven't.  And in that time, I have learned much about it and myself.

I have learned that it is not something to be ashamed of, its not my fault.  I have learned that talking about it helps to expose it and decreases its power over me.  I have learned I am ok with it sometimes, I appreciate the unique perspective it gives me.

Its ok, seriously.  I don't need a pep talk.  It will get better, it always does, it never hasn't.  But maybe this will help understand what it is like or maybe you will find comfort in knowing you are not alone.