I blinked and he is 5.

Dear Sullivan,

Holy smokes!  I blinked and you are 5!  FIVE!  

How is that possible?  Seems impossible but here we are.  Its where we are right now.  Of course it is.  It is not like we have not lived day in and day out that past 5 years.  No, we definitely have.  We have lived through the morning whines, road trips, vacations, holidays and all the mundane events of our daily lives.  Together.

 I have so enjoyed watching you grow and learn.  Your intensity for life and emotion can only be matched by a select few.  I am not going to lie, it makes parenting you a challenge sometimes.  You question EVERYTHING (as you should).  And you remember exactly what we tell you, your experiences and how you felt every step of the way.

But in turn, you have brought so much fun and excitement, adventure and magic to our everyday lives.  You demand that we live in the moment and have all the feelings.

And we get to see life all over again through your eyes.

You are now a whole hand old.  Because of you, we are living right in the heart of life.  The "sweet spot".  Still little but big enough to understand so very much.

Right now, it is all about experiences.  I can't tell you how enjoyable it is to experience life with you.

You do life with such gusto:)

But that is just your way.

I had no idea what I was getting myself into when I became you mother.  And I am glad I didn't know.  We have figured it out together (still are figuring it out).

Somehow your birthday turned into a 3 day birthday celebration extravaganza.

But thats ok.

You are only 5 once, right?

It feels like such a milestone birthday for me you.

Five is a pretty big deal.

And we run with big deals around here.  We do big deals BIG.  We don't shy away from big deals.

Because we love big.  Like 50 million.  I love you 50 million and that is big.

I love you to the sun and all the planets, because it is farther than the moon.  But you already know that.  Because we talk and talk and talk and talk about everything.  All the time.  Non-stop.

Keep talking, keep questioning and keep loving life.

Love,
Mama

4

Dear Sullivan,

Hey Bud.  Holy cow, can you believe we made it to 4?  At this very second 4 years ago, I was in the middle of a 27 hour labor.  I could not wait to see you and meet you.



See??  Super excited!!

Little did I know I would still need to wait another 18 hours!  But its ok.  Because look what I was rewarded with....



My little mister.  All mine.

And what a guy you have grown into...

Living life to the fullest.  Every hour of every day!  Questioning everything there is to question and then circling back around to re-question and make sure my answer is still the same.  Exhausting, I tell you!  Reading books and watching movies with you are quite the chore:)

Right now, you are in to helping me in the kitchen by putting together "gredients" for making dinners and baking, watching movies that are "kind of scary and have a hero that saves the day", being an amazing big brother, teasing ("cheesing") your parents by telling them that you want the "vikings or bears" to win, pointing out when it is foggy and that fog is just low clouds, using the word "butt" as often as possible and jumping (like all the time).

You helped me make your school treat last night.  It was so fun:)  I put dabs of frosting on the brownies and you placed the M&Ms on them to make them look like stop lights.

 Your hands are so big!

Super proud:)  And then you informed me that you do not like M&Ms.

Anyway, keep being you.  Keep learning new things that blow your mind.  Keep catching me of guard.  Keep asking questions.  Keep jumping.  Keep growing.

Love you with all my heart.

Mama

3

Dear Sullivan,

This picture of you was taken 3 years ago today.

This was right after you transformed from a slimy blueberry to a real life baby.  You were you from the moment I met you.  I knew I would have my hands full.  I secretly hoped I would be able to wrangle you into the perfectly behaved child that I always envisioned for myself but it was obvious you had other plans.

From the beginning, you knew exactly what you wanted and what you didn't want and no amount of coercion from me was ever going to change your mind.  And you have only grown more you as the days pass.

I have learned much about love, compromise and even letting go in the 3 years you have been here.  And I will continue to learn so much from you every day.  I look forward to it.  Even though sometimes I am not sure how much more 3 year old bravado I can honestly handle.

Currently, you are obsessed with super heroes, NOT potty training, drinking from big boy cups only, your Mama, marshmallows, saying something is "my favorite _____ ever", talking about what Santa will bring you, mini corn dogs, hugging babies, dancing, your cousins, Little Einsteins and your new Batman PJs.  You talk non-stop and sometimes I have to tune you out.  Whenever I try to get a video of your talking, you stop...so Sully.

I wish my tiny Batman the happiest 3rd birthday ever!  I wish you many, many more happy and healthy birthdays.  I wish for you to continue to be you and be the person you were meant to be.  I wish you new experiences and confidence and laughter.  I love you more than I ever thought was possible.

Mama

Batman Birfday

Finally, it was here.  The little Mister's Batman Birthday (Birfday, according to him).  We have been talking about it for weeks (ok months).  Anticipating the event and feeling like it was never going to happen, but then it did.

Sully's Auntie Gina really came through in the cake department.  It looked EXACTLY like the Pinterest pic I showed her and it was made from scratch!  Amazing!

 I made the Batman masks.  Sully loved them:)

 Little batman admiring his cake.

For the food, we had a "toddler buffet."  Mini corn dogs, chicken nuggets, homemade mac and cheese and fruit.  My Grandma was not impressed but I think everyone else was satisfied.

 Papa Don and Cousin Harlie.

 Cousin Artists.

And here is were the pics get weird.  No matter how much I tried, the lighting was not sufficient for no flash so I had to breakdown and turn on the flash.

 Cousin helper.

After the present opening, this may have been the highlight of his "Batman Birfday."  After celebrating and singing "Happy Birthday" to Daddy and Mommy this month, he FINALLY had his turn and he enjoyed every second:)

 And for an extra treat, all of us had a little Sully spit on our cake.

Check out the Batman creeper in the background.

Our last birthday pic as a family of 3!  Gets me all teared up and verklempt.  Bittersweet.

So glad my little Super Hero enjoyed his special day.

Bump update

Yup, it just keeps growing!

Here is the comparison from 7 weeks ago...

It is hard to believe I could get any bigger, but I still have a long way to go.  I will start my third trimester next weekend.  Although I am having some issues with the pregnancy, the baby is doing great and that is all that matters.

I am 34 years old today.  I am tired and uncomfortable, but I am happy.  Happy to be here, happy to have my life, my boy, my hubs, my family and my friends.  Even happy to be tired and uncomfortable.  Happy for the opportunities I have been given.  Happy for what is yet to come.  Happy.  Makes for a very Happy Birthday.

Birthday Boy

Growing up, my parents always made a big deal about birthdays.  I know that some families don't, but mine did.  There was always a party (sometimes big, sometimes small), a cake, presents, the whole works.  It was a day that you were made to feel special, out of all the other days of the year when you may not feel special.

After having Sully, the events, feelings, trauma of the day still ingrained in my cells and playing on a projector in the back of my mind, I don't know how you could not make a big deal out of your child's birthday.  It was the most significant, horrifying, magical day of my entire life (of course my wedding day is right up there in significance, not horror, but I am going to give Sully's birth first place today).

And what has followed, times of pure joy and awe and love that I have never known before right along times of frustration and pain and feeling overwhelmed.

It is all significant because it adds up to now.  

I would spill some more of my guts but I hear my birthday boy over the monitor stirring...and we have some celebrating to do.

Happy birthday Sullivan James.  We love you more than you can ever know.

"And I will never be the same because we met."  -Brandi Carlisle