Thankful

I am thankful for way too many things to list this Thanksgiving.  This year, I tried to be more grateful for so many things, people and experiences in my life on more of a daily basis, not just today.

And guess what, this year has been the best yet.

Just when I think life is at its peak, the pinnacle, can't possibly get any better...it does.  But not because we won the lottery or took a trip to Europe or welcomed a new family member or (fill in your own adventure/wish/desire here).

Its because life's good moments also come with life's hard moments.  Moments when we are not in control, where we do things we are not so proud of.  Moments that make you ask the big questions that there are no easy answers. Moments when you feel annoyed with the everyday or just plain burned out.

Why would that make life better?  Because it forces you to learn and grow and prioritize.  To learn forgiveness, compassion and empathy.  It makes you recognize the "good" times and allows for all the "good" feelings that come with those times.

So I guess I am kind of listing what I am thankful for, the struggle, the in between that sometimes seems very insignificant but isn't.

That, and I would also like to add those holiday coffee commercials where the big brother comes home from college? overseas? to find the little sister waiting for him with coffee made and she tells him that he is her present and the parents are sitting around the corner in their robes watching the whole thing- gets me every time!

Anyway, I hope today finds you in one of those "good" times, but if it doesn't, it's an opportunity to learn and grow.

Happy Thanksgiving!

33 years, 33 things

Holy cow, I am 33!  How is that even possible?  So in honor of the event, 33 things about me....

1.  I LOVE coffee!

2.  Every time I buy bread, I have to make sure to make a sandwich with the end piece.  I love that piece!

3.  I just finished my fall/winter quilt and LOVE it!

4.  I very much value someone who can find a solution instead of just complaining about something.  I don't think complaining has ever solved a problem.

5.  I am a napper.  I could take a 3 hour nap everyday.

6.  I am a Twihard, Team Edward.

7.  I don't like to ride the hype, hence my Twihard phase 4 years after the fact.

8.  I am drawn to horror.  I can't help it, I am like a moth to a flame.  Hence my career/job choices- Wound nurse practitioner, Sexual Assault Nurse Examiner, ICU nurse.

9.  I love to craft/sew/quilt and now knit but I am lazy about it so I probably don't really do any of it the "right" way.

10.  I watch waaaaaay too much tv.

11.  I am a very loyal person, possibly to a fault.

12.  I really, really, really want Sully to have a sibling...someday.

13.  I think it is completely ridiculous that I can write a work note for a patient and their employer actually accepts it.

14.  I am pretty sure my son has too many teeth.

15.  I do NOT like country music, but pretty much everything else is fine.

16.  I wish I could wear leggings and boots or tights and boots everyday.

17.  I hate scrubs.

18.  I am a birthday "Rain Man".  I will never forget your birthday if you tell me and sometimes after knowing you, I can guess the month you were born.

19.  I like lots of books in my house, makes it feel cozy.

20.  I love Christmas music.

21.  I only vacuum and do laundry once a week.

22.  I feel guilty when I take a day off of work.

23.  I tend to hoard cleaning and bathroom supplies.  I don't ever want to be caught "out" of anything.

24.  My natural hair color is a very ugly dirty blonde.  As a result, I get my hair colored every 9-11 weeks.

25.  My hair is naturally wavy but not a uniform wave so I spend lots of time combating that.

26.  I am terribly competitive but don't want anyone to know that.

27.  I am prone to exaggeration and over-reaction.

28.  I think my parents and my brother are really amazing people and feel so lucky that they are my family.

29.  My husband and I are middle school sweethearts.

30.  I absolutely love Las Vegas.

31.  I have a slightly obsessive personality.

32.  I don't like the taste of meat and I can only eat meat if it is smothered in some delicious sauce.

33.  I love fruit snacks.

Knitty Knit

Yep, fully obsessed with the knitting right now.  I have finished 3 projects in 3 days.  Here are two of them:

Both are gifts.  One is a baby girl Gnomish hat and the other was also supposed to be a Gnome hat for a bigger kid but I didn't make it quite long enough so it is just a "regular" hat with a pom attached to the top.  Both are gifts.  But I love them both and just want to keep them and stare at them.

Here is a quick pick of the boy in one of them. He could hardly keep still hence the blurriness.

Back to knitting...

Addiction...

I currently have 2 addictions.





1.  The song "Home" by Phillip Phillips

I am not kidding (I even told the Hubs this), if anyone really, honestly, truly sung this to me, it would be all over.  I would be theirs.  I can't help it.  I listen to it on You Tube non-stop.  Anyone want to go to a concert next year?!?

PS- after I told the Hubs about this, he sang me the Ooooohhhhh part about 3 hours later.  I informed him it was the wrong part.










2.  Knitting.

I actually knitted all 6 of my bridesmaids hats and scarves for gifts for my wedding about 8 years ago.  I had not picked up a knitting needle since then.  Until now.  I watched a few You Tube vids as a refresher and I was good to go.  I just finished a Christmas gift for my niece, Harlie, and started a hat for a friend's newborn who is not yet born.  Up next:  a Gnome hat for the Sul.  I can't wait!



BTW- I am up to 95%!!!!  And I can smell better and swallow without swallowing 14 times!!!  So worth it!

'Round here

Yep, we got a sick little boy here.  It is the first mystery fever he has had.  By mystery, I mean he is not teething, doesn't have a cough, isn't particularly stuffy, has no rash, no diarrhea and is not tugging at his ears.  I know because I watched him like a hawk today and yesterday.  

(I know what you are thinking, "but aren't you still recovering that awful adult tonsillectomy recovery?!?  How can you possibly take care of a sick toddler too??"  Luckily, I do feel somewhat better, like maybe 60% of my "normal" so that helps.  You may not think this seems that good but when I was about 15% for 3-4 days, 60% is fantastic.  I am still not eating much.  Anytime I eat, I get severe razor blade throat and it is nearly unbearable.  So I usually eat once a day, something sort of soft, hopefully with some protein to really make it count.  It is usually at dinner time.  So the rest of the day is fluids and italian ice (thanks Angie!).  Yeah, I am starving.)

So Mister Man had a fever at daycare yesterday and I was called to pick him up.  I had him at home with me today and he was doing pretty good until about 5 pm when he spiked a temp of 102.6!  What?!?  I could see it all in his poor little eyes:(  He didn't eat much for food today but did have some PB&J for lunch. I thought I was going to have to count the jelly as his fruit for the day but he rebounded after a bath and some meds so he actually did get a real fruit today.

Now he is struggling to go to bed and my heart is breaking for him.  I think I will go rock him.

Oh, and look what arrived in the mail today!  Birthday invites!!!

Birthday Month

Whoopsies- Sorry Hil, I blame that second added "l" on my drug induced state.

It is already 5 days into our birthday month!  How did this happen?  Oh yeah, I have been drugged, in pain and sleeping as much as possible.  It is a good thing I have been preparing the decorations for months now.  I decided to go with the ever popular cars/trucks/trains/buses/airplanes and mustache combo theme.  Because, lets be honest, sometimes more is better, right?  My goal it to make it look cute and great and not spend much money (daycare takes all that from us).

The first thing I made several months ago was this easy and fun bunting banner.  I incorporated both the mustache and automotive themes here along with some red ribbon that cost a $1.  I strung the bunting flags on some twine I already had.  The bunting flags are made from craft paper.

I even had some left over to put over the table.  For the centerpiece, I put some cars and tractors in some glass candle holders I already had and put some tea lights in them.  I then put his train track around the candles with his train on them, for free!

Then, on the "fireplace mantle" I put some recent pics up of the boy during his fun stay at Gamma and Papa's house this September.  Then I put a vintage FP train on the mantle and a milk glass bowl of mustaches.  Done.

I got a pack of 4 of them for $1 in the Target dollar bins a few months ago.

Over the buffet is my beloved mirror.  I adorned it with a quick and easy wreath that I made this fall.  I used this tutorial.  Originally, I too had some leaves and felt flowers but I thought, what the heck, why not make a "Sully turns 2 wreath".  I LOVE it!  I picked up a few of the red cars from Hobby lobby for less than a $1 each.  Then I used some craft paper and a picture I already had and hung it with more red ribbon.  Crazy easy and super cute.  I have a mustache I will be adding to this as well.

Update:

My SIL bought me this great mustache Duct tape so I made a quick bunting sign for over the drink area.  I used the twine I already had and painted "wet your whistle" on the front.  I plan on going over this with some black marker to make it stand out more.  I will also add some craft paper to the backs of these for more weight and to create a more finished look.  Sometimes things don't exactly turn out how you envisioned them too.  That's ok, no need to trash it, just adjust it!

Update:

These will also be at the drink station.  I saw some of these on Etsy and knew I could make my own with craft paper, straws and my "Crustache" mold I also got from my SIL.

Something like this may or may not make it into the decor.  I will obviously need to add more vehicles (and clean the fingerprints off of it) but the kid needs something to play with this next 3 weeks before the party.

I have lots of other plans that are coming together!  Can't wait to share more with you soon!

Ps- Happy birthday, Dave (I think it is today)!

Edward Scissorhands, throat surgeon

I have been MIA for a good reason lately.  Edward Scissorhands got at my throat.  It was no accident.  It was a planned procedure.  A tonsillectomy in a 32 year old person.  They had become the epicenter of all my sickness.  They had holes and secret crypts in them where I am pretty sure I had a few tonsil stones that had hardened into diamonds at some point.  Additionally, I had a chronic low grade tonsillitis that sucked my energy over the past 2 years.  I was ready for my appointment with Surgeon Scissorhands.

Of course, I spent the entire night before reading horror story after horror story regarding tonsillectomies in adults.  It was almost enough to make me back out, almost.  I didn't.  The Midazolam was a glorious as I remembered from a previous surgery 8 years ago. Really a nice way to go into surgery.

I am currently post op day 6 and I still feel like Surgeon Scissorhands was just in there yesterday.  The first 2 days are smooth sailing but then post op day 3 happens and you can no longer get out of bed as on top of the razor throat, you now have what feel like bilateral ear infections and a migraine to boot.  I literally spent 3 full days in bed, taking liquid percocet on a 2 hour schedule.  I am now on a 3-4 hour schedule because the liquid percocet is literally making me sick to my stomach.  But as a bonus, I lost 5 lbs!!

The hubs dragged me out of the house today for a cancer benefit for a little guy at Sully's daycare.  It is pretty amazing how people come together for kids with cancer.  Afterward, I had to take a full dose of pain medicine and a 2 hour nap.  I was determined to do more with my day though.  I dragged the family to that train track I spotted this summer for some family pics (Sully at 2 and Christmas card pics).  I should have known the mission was going to be a bust when we heard a gun shot and then something whizzed past my head.  Not to be deterred by gun fire (it was in the middle of Cottage Grove for Christsake!), I forced the family to trudge on and told Clayton he was imagining things (but for the record, I clearly heard the whizzing too).

We did get a few good shots in between toddler crying, making Craisin advertisements and yelling at my husband for having "no vision."

In the end, it just is not worth my sanity to have to take these pics on my tripod with timer.  Therefore, if there is a fellow amateur photographer in the Madison area who would like to trade off picture taking with each other a few times a year, I am so game for that.  I will even make you a cute camera strap cover.

23rd Month

Dear Sullivan,

You, my little one, are 23 months today.  And oh what a difference a month has made!

You turned from Mr. No into Mr. Yeah.

You are eating food!

You have turned into a copy cat, repeating everything we say.  I guess we should stop swearing around you now.

You love hot dogs, juice, "that milk" (chocolate milk), Chex, hats, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Nemo, Gnomeo and Juliet, Spongebob, football, dancing, music, jumping, turning lights on and off, snuggling with Mama, scolding Turbo, babies (younger women), Harper, "B's" (blankies), playing chase games, playing hide and seek, brushing your own teeth, books, books and more books.

I see your hands and feet grow right before my eyes.  I see you connect meaning to objects.  I feel how painful you are (jumping on me) but also how kind you are (getting other kids sippys for them).  And I am really loving the person you are growing into.  Don't ever change.  Keep being "so Sully."

Love,
Mama

Depression

Depression does not care.

It does not care if you are happily married.  It does not care if you have a job you kind of like and have a working schedule you love.  It does not care if you have a perfect, healthy, beautiful child who depends on you.  It does not care what is or what isn't in your bank account.  It does not care if you are healthy or sick.  It doesn't care how old you are or if you are a boy or a girl.  It does not care if you have a loving, supportive family.  It does not care what you have going on in your life right now.  It does not care if it is your favorite season!

Depression is not picky.

Any time, any place, any person will do.  It does not need a major catastrophe or terrible trauma to let it in the door, stuff all your energy and will into a duffel bag and throw it out the window.  And while it is there, it will punch you in the gut and sit on your chest, making it nearly impossible to just breathe.  It might even pack a second duffel bag with your appetite and crafting plans and ideas for this wonderful season and then stash it in a super secret spot so you are sure not to find it any time soon.

Unfortunately, I am all too familiar with its antics and I still never see it coming.  There is no way to prepare.  I don't have time to bolt down the parts of me that I don't want to lose.  It is just gone.  For how long, no one knows.

I have been battling with this for more years of my life than I haven't.  And in that time, I have learned much about it and myself.

I have learned that it is not something to be ashamed of, its not my fault.  I have learned that talking about it helps to expose it and decreases its power over me.  I have learned I am ok with it sometimes, I appreciate the unique perspective it gives me.

Its ok, seriously.  I don't need a pep talk.  It will get better, it always does, it never hasn't.  But maybe this will help understand what it is like or maybe you will find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Change

I was in need of some change around here.  I totally get it from my mom.  Every few months, she would rearrange the furniture in the dining room, living room, front porch, where ever.  Not all at once of course.  It was great because it gave you the opportunity to find things you have lost, vacuum under the furniture and clean out the cobwebs in the corners.  Afterward, you have what seemed like a brand new room and you didn't even have to buy anything!  Brilliant!

So on this rainy stay-at-home mom Monday, I chose the boy's room for a transformation.  I have been gathering some things for a more sophisticated, bigger boy room.  Something with a more worldly feel and darker colors.

Silly me, I didn't take a pic before I starting ripping things apart, tearing decals off walls, moving furniture like I was an Olympic weight-lifter.  But I did find these pics from last winter.

I realize this is only one corner of the room but this is the corner I took a picture of after the redo today.

He still sleeps in his crib so that is in the corner of the room that is to the right of this pic.  Also, I think the hubs would literally stand paralyzed in the room from not knowing were to change and dress the boy so the changing table had to stay in the room for now.  I guess this will have to be done in stages as he slowly does not need his baby things anymore.  I don't have a great picture of the headboard, but it was a St Vinny's find for only $7.50!  I love it because it can hold books, a lamp and also allow me to decorate the top- perfect!  I can just imagine all the nights of laying down and reading books before bedtime!

No Magic

There is no such thing as magic.  It took me a long time to realize this.  As a child, I believed in it and looked for it everywhere.  Under rocks, in small containers and satchels, behind doors, in the woods.  But I never found any.  It only exists in books and movies.  And sometimes in our own heads.

This realization goes along with being an adult.  I think once you turn 30, you need to stop thinking you will find some.  I seriously believe this is essential.

The absence of a magical crutch will force one to take some responsibility.  Put some work forth.

Everyday at work, I see example after example of people holding out for some magic.  If they would just be prescribed that perfect drug or the right ointment, their problem will be solved.  If only they could find thee provider that is the smartest, most up-to-date.  Why can't some one just help them already??

I am here to tell you, stop.  Stop looking, stop making it some one else's job to fix you.  Stop looking for that cause/effect relationship that does not exist.

I know that is hard.  Human nature does not allow this to happen easily.  There always needs to be some one, some thing, to blame.  It is some one else's fault.  Not mine.

It is an epidemic.  I see it all the time.

But sometimes, things just happen.  Sometimes people who have never smoked a cigarette get lung cancer.  Sometimes men get breast cancer.  Freak accidents happen everyday.

Sometimes it is no one's fault.  There is nothing to take the blame.  It just is.

'Round here

Down, set, hut!

Yeah, this is what we do on weekends.  The kid seriously has endless energy.

Remember Harper?

She is doing fantastic!  Today, Sul and I will be participating in the Step up for Down Syndrome buddy walk.  It is put on by the Madison Area Down Syndrome Society.  Basically this group raises awareness about Ds and provides families with information and resources regarding Ds.  We will be walking for Harper's Heartbreakers.  If you feel moved, please consider donating to the cause.  You might even win a prize.  I did!  Not sure what is it yet but I was told it was too big to economically mail so I am guessing it is a car.

Happy Saturday!  Go Badgers!!

Nemo?

I am dying over this Nemo costume I have been making for the Sul for Halloween.  I felt a bit guilty for buying his frog costume from Savers last year, not even trying to make him one.  I had to make up for it this year.

He has a little obsession with Nemo going right now so I thought I would take advantage of it.  I mean, I could totally see me slaving over making a cute costume and then him refusing to even put it on.  I knew he would want to be Nemo.

I bought 2 blaze orange t-shirts from Savers, 1/2 yard of white fleece fabric and a small sheet of black felt.  I already had some black netting, quilting batting and some wooden skewers.

First I made the fins starting with the batting and skewers:

Then I did a bunch of other steps and this is what I have now:

I LOVE it from the back.  The front is not the greatest though and I have to tack down the front fins a bit more as they flop around a little too much.  Dying.from.cuteness.

PS if you want to know more about the steps, just ask!

In the picture...

There is a great article that has been going around lately.  And maybe, like me, it spoke volumes to you and made you tear up a bit.

Becoming and being a mother has changed me more than I anticipated it would.  It has taught me to love deeper, slow down, take joy in the small things, laugh louder, give more hugs and kisses, get dirty, allow messiness, enjoy "home", appreciate my own parents more, etc, etc.  I could literally go on and on.

So much energy and love constantly being poured into our child(ren).  It is a lot of work.  But it is good work.  And I honestly don't know one single person that is not doing a phenomenal job parenting.

But lets see it.

I know Sully will always feel it.  But I want to leave him lots to see.  I want him to see what it looked like when he was almost 2.  And beyond.

I don't want to wait until we can be wearing the perfectly coordinating clothes with our hair done just right and the lighting optimal.  No.  Life is not perfect.  It is messy and sometimes very unorganized.  There are leaves in the sand box and sand in diapers.

There is dirt on my butt and melasma on my face.

My hair is often frizzy and I have a roll on my belly.

There are tears and tantrums and sticky hands.

But there is also so much love.

And I don't want to miss documenting that.  Not for me and not for him.